I Dreamed a Story!
by LunaSky
Summary: This used to be the second chapter of I Dreamed a Dream, but no one read it, so I've moved it here!  Enjoy! One Shot, The story version of my weird dream. See I Dreamed a Dream


By popular demand, this peculiar dream of mine is now it's own STORY!!!! Just to warn you, you asked for it…

BTW, Leira is my dream self. Kinda. Not really. Actually, Luna is the name of my dream self, but that couldn't work in this story. : )

**Disclaimer:** Don't own the characters, as demented my subconscious has made them. I do own Leira, whose real name is Luna. But watev…

**I Dreamed a STORY!!!**

**Chapter One: The First Chapter**

Infamous American muggle tourist, Leira, just so happened to be at King's Cross Station by Platform 9 and 10 with supplies needed for School at Hogwarts on September 1st at 11:00 pm. "Maybe I shouldn't have taken that funny looking kid's souvenirs and beat him up," Leira thought as she walked towards her gate, "but he was asking for it! Whoops!"

Leira had just tripped at just the right moment, and had fallen through the stone to Platform 9 ¾.

"How convenient!" She cried as she stepped on the train and sat in an empty compartment. "Actually I don't know why this is convenient, but whatever! I'm going to Hogwarts!!! WOOOT!!!!"

Three approaching kids shrugged and walked away slowly.

-(Some Time Later)-

"HOGWARTS TIME!!!!" Leira called loudly as she waltzed into the Great Hall. Dumbledore stood and looked at her oddly.

"Who are you?" He asked as she began jumping up and down. Perhaps that was from all of the Chocolate Frogs she had eaten on the way there. She now had the entire collection of cards, and was about to explode.

"DUMBLEDORE!!!!!!" She shrieked as she ran to give the old wizard a hug. "I'M SO GLAD TO BE HERE!!! I'M FROM AMERICA!!!!"

"Soo…" Dumbledore asked, scratching his beard, "You're from America? Are you an exchange student?"

"LET'S JUST SAY THAT!!!!" She yelled and began running around the room. Dumbledore called after her.

"But who did we send?"

"I TOOK CARE OF THAT!!!" She called back, continuing to run.

Draco Malfoy suddenly looked around in confusion. Had anyone seen Crabbe or Goyle?

**Chapter Two: In Which the Second Chapter Comes to Be**

"Let's begin the sorting," called Dumbledore after Leira had collapsed from lack of energy. She was quickly revived though, because someone thought of the brilliant idea to give her more chocolate. Leira then sat, not patiently, until her name was called.

"Leira… Err, sorry, what did you say your last name was?"

"I DIDN"T!!!" She yelled back as she hopped on the stool and shoved the hat on her head.

"_Hmmm…_" Said the hat in Leira's head. "_Why I believe you are a… a… MUGGLE?_" Leira sighed.

"I am not a muggle," she said with a wave of her hand.

"_You are not a muggle,_" thought the hat.

"I am to go in Ravenclaw 'cause I'm so smart. And I'm to go to class with Harry Potter's generation."

"RAVENCLAW!!!" Called the hat before Leira jumped off the stool. "AND SHE GOES WITH POTTER TO ALL HIS CLASSES!" She smirked when she sat down at the table with her fellow Ravenclaw classmates. "Good things come to those who memorize the Star Wars movies!" She thought smugly as the feast continued. "Now to figure put how to do class without messing up! But how hard can it be?"

**Chapter Three: The Third Thing in Bold and Underline**

**KABLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!**

"LEIRA!!!!!" Leira had once again, blown up the Potion Room. This was to the delight of only the students not in Slytherin.

"Jeeze, sorry Sevy," Leira rolled her eyes in enjoyment. This was so much more fun then chemistry back in America!!!

"OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Yelled the Potion Master for the eighth time that year. Yes eighth, she had come there twice one day. Leira walked out of the room calmly.

"At least no one knew that I'm a muggle!" She thought reassuringly to herself. "Now all I need to do is find a boyfriend just like me…" Just then, she heard another

**KABLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!!!!**

"NEVILLE!!" Neville Longbottom ran out of the room covered in goop.

"Ooops!" He exclaimed sheepishly. Leira put two and two together.

"Hey Neville," she asked coyly.

"Ya?"

"WANNA GO OUT WITH ME????"

"Uh… Sure?" Leira grabbed him and they went to find a closet. Luna found them a few hours later.

"WTF????????????" Luna cried as she yanked open the door. Neville was covered in lipstick, and his shirt was off. Leira giggled.

"Hey Loony, Neville is a GREAT kisser!!" Neville blushed.

"I practiced a lot on Trevor." Leira blinked. Then she shrugged.

"That's ok, I practiced on my brother. Hey Luna, are you jealous or something??" Luna stared at her.

"YOU BET I AM!!!" Luna reached for her wand and threw a jinx at Leira. She dodged it.

"Hey Luna, am I the cause of this problem? Or is Neville really to blame??" Neville stared at her. Luna blinked.

"Oh ya." She then razed her wand at Neville and said: "Here's a new curse I learned that will turn you into a pig! _Smarticus Maximus! _Or was it something else?" The two girls turned to Neville, who had begun to shake. When he had finished vibrating, he looked at them strangely.

"What are you two females gaping at? Have I a molecule of food in my canines?" Luna groaned.

"What have I done?"

**Chapter Four: The Fourth Time There is a Chapter**

When the news got out that Neville was the smartest kid in school, Hermione was all over him. Literally. Leira and many other students began finding them in closets, cupboards, cauldrons and chambers cuddling and kissing. Say that ten times fast. That ten times fast. And that wasn't the only couple she was finding. Strangely enough, Ron and Cho Chang were going steady as well as the two smartys. Leira now had to look elsewhere for some love. And she found it in one of the strangest places to find love. In a closet with another girl.

"Ooops!!" Said Leira for the ninetieth time that day as she opened a random closet for fun while she was looking for love. During her search, she wore an incredibly low-cut bikini to help find affection. She peered at the couple she had found with extreme interest. "Harry? Luna? Interesting…" Luna threw one of her shoes at Leira, while Harry stared at Leira's extreme cleavage that was barely coved by her top.

"MYOB Leira," yelled Luna as she went to close the door. Harry franticly stopped her, his eyes never leaving Leira's chest.

"L-Luna, d-dear," he stuttered as he stared at Leira, "I um think that um wa woah wee ha hoo ya wa." Harry's train of thought left him when Leira bent down to pass Luna back her shoe.

"Here you go Luna," Leira said as she passed Luna's shoe back to her. Then she winked at Harry, and walked away. Harry continued to stare down the hall after Leira. Luna sighed and took of her shirt.

"If it's chest you want Harry," she said as she threw it on the floor, "then chest you'll get!!!" Harry turned back to Luna, gaped and began to sweat. Luna giggled and shut the door that Leira had left open.

A few hour later, they both emerged, dressed and giggling as Leira, fully dressed now, came running up to Harry.

"Hey HARRY!" She yelled as she pranced down the hall. "I GOT A PRESENT FOR YOU!!!!" Leira ran up and smeared some brownish goop on Harry's forehead. Then she transfigured Luna's forgotten shoe into a mirror. Harry stared at his refection. "Something was different," He thought as he looked. "Same messy hair… Same glasses… Same ugly scar… Scar? SCAR??" Harry turned to Leira. "You got rid of my scar!!! I love you!!!" Harry grabbed Leira, pulled her into a dip and kissed her. Luna fumed in that background. Just then, Cho came storming up. Ron followed close behind.

"BITCH! YOU STOLE MY COVER UP!!" Cho screeched as she raced down the hall. "YOU MUST DIE!!! _AVADA KEDAVRA!!!_" Just that second, Harry pulled Leira up from the kiss and she took a step back. The curse hit Harry straight in the forehead and he keeled over dead, Leira's lipstick still implanted on his lips. "Ooops…" muttered Cho as Ron came and gaped at the sight of his best friend's dead body laying on the ground. "I'm really sorry honey…" Cho began apologetically, but Ron cut her off.

"Naw, that's ok. I never really liked him anyway." Ron's eyes then caught the recently evacuated closet. "Hey! Closet!" He grabbed Cho and they both ran into it and slammed the door behind them. Giggles from behind the door immediately followed the slamming of it. Luna shrugged.

"I'm gonna go find a nargle to snog." She then left. Leira was about to leave, but then she heard a voice behind her.

"I have your Chocolate Frog Cards!"

**Chapter Five: The Fifth Part of the Story in Chapter Format**

Leira whirled around to see a short, cloaked figure holding a bag that held her Chocolate Frog Cards.

"No!" She gasped as the man dangled the bag before her eyes. "How dare you!"

"If you want to get them back, you must do me a favor," Leira sighed.

"Well if I must," she began, "let's go find a closet before they're all taken up." The strange looked confused. Then it hit him.

"Ow! I mean, EW!!! Like, you're so not my type. I need information on Draco Malfoy." Leira stared at the figure.

"He's your type?" The stranger winced again.

"Ew, again. This is to get information."

"What kind of information?" Leira was starting to get annoyed. She needed to find love before the story was over, and she was getting nowhere.

"ANY kind of information. His favorite foods, colors, boxers or briefs… anything. And everything. I'm going to steal his identity!!! MWHAHAHAHAH!!!" Leira blinked.

"Right… So if I get you information, you give me my cards?"

"Pretty much."

"Okay then. Oh, by the way, who are you????"

"Err.. Flitwick."

"Got it Now I understand why you need to steal his identity! Poor you… I'll get started right away."

Leira stepped over Harry's body, and wandered around for a whole five minutes before she found Draco Malfoy. "Yo DRACO!!!" She called to him as she made her way down the hall. "I was one of the factors in the death of Potter, wanna snog me?" Draco blinked.

"Hell yeah." They went and found the nearest closet and began snogging. After a while, Leira began asking questions to Draco.

"What's your favorite song?"

"What do you call your mum and dad?"

"What's a life goal of yours?"

"What's your Social Security Number?"

It was a only after few hours into the interrogation, when Draco began to get suspicious.

"What's with all the questions?" He asked after Leira asked him how many kids he was planning on having. Leira shrugged.

"I'm curious?" She answered innocently. Draco nodded.

"Ok. Seventeen, by the way." They returned to snogging. After Leira finalized that she had all the information she needed, she killed Draco. At few seconds after the death of the hottest kid in Hogwarts, Flitwick opened the door.

"Did you get the… WTF??? Killing him wasn't part of the plan!" Leira scrunched her nose as she tried to remember the plan.

"Ooops. Hey, I have a bad memory. Let's get the body out of here before anyone else comes." They began dragging the body of Draco Malfoy to a place where they could dispose of it when everyone from the Great Hall surrounded them.

"Damn," muttered Leira, "I knew cutting through the Great Hall was a bad idea."

**Chapter Six: Six **

"…And that's the entire truth!" Finished Leira an hour later to all who were still listening. That included everyone.

"HEY LOOK!" Called random student #68, pointing at Draco's dead body. Everyone turned to see Draco's shape changing into… Lord Voldemort's??? Leira blinked.

"So I made out with Voldemort? Who was pretending to be Draco this ENTIRE TIME???" Everyone looked back at her. "Sweet!"

"HEY LOOK!" Called random student #117, pointing at Draco/Voldemort's carcass. It was now transforming into… SEVERUS SNAPE?????

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! THERAPY!!!!! NOW!!!! I MADE OUT WITH SNAPE!!!!!!!!!" Everyone turned back at Leira. "NOT SWEET!!!"

"So…" Asked random student #6, "What now?" Everyone looked to Leira, who came up with the plan.

**Epilogue: The Part That Comes After The End But Still Kind of Is**

"…And he was the best Potion Master we ever had. Well, not really, I liked Slughorn better, but that's besides the point. And well, I'm done." Dumbledore stepped down from the podium tearfully. Everyone sobbed. And cried. And sobbed some more. Leira stepped up then.

"Flitwick, if you please." Flitwick nodded, and motioned to random students #13, #79 and #117, who was so happy to have a big part in this story, which brought the body of Draco/Voldemort/Snape up to the podium where Sirius sat mournfully. Leira motioned to Sirius, who changed into a dog and began devouring the body. When he was done, Leira put the remains by the Womping Willow for fertilizer. Then everyone went back into the Great Hall for chocolate, and the ransacking of Snape and Draco's belongings.

**AND EVERYONE DREAMED HAPPILY EVER AFTER!!!!!!!!**

Da ending.

Yeah I know that wasn't what I really dreamed, but THIS IS FUNNYER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sooo… You like?

Well??? Those who asked for it, REVIEW!!!!! Those who didn't, REVIEW!!!!! Anyone else, REVIEW!!!!!


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